multiple personality disorder....
eye know that eye touched on this earlier.... in another chapter.... but.... have any of you noticed.... that there is more than one of us in here.... more than one personality.... a son.... a daughter.... a mother.... a father.... the four of us.... we are the royal we.... and the father alone has at least two personalities himself.... a protective father.... a vicious father.... and.... a nuturing father.... or.... is he can be a grandfather.... the strange thing.... is that we are all aware of each other.... and we know when the other ones are out.... when they are out.... the rest of us just have to sit back and watch.... and.... mostly.... it is the boy.... the boy with ocd.... because.... that is my favorite personality.... that is the part of me that eye want you all to see.... and not my ugly side.... not my protective father.... eye really appreciate him.... he really sticks up for me.... but.... sometimes.... eye really hate his methods.... they make me sick to my stomach sometimes.... luckily.... he mostly comes out in my book.... and.... rarely.... in real life.... in real conversations.... usually.... out in public.... eye am the wide eyed boy.... the excited boy.... the curious little boy.... the one who asks questions.... who just wants to suck up information.... the one.... who asks you questions.... to stimulate your mind.... the one.... who.... sometimes.... just will not shut up.... sometimes.... you will try to walk away.... and he will follow you.... he does not get the hint.... he just cannot help himself....
what do they say about the weather.... do they say something like.... if you do not like the weather.... just wait a day.... well.... with me.... if you do not like what you see.... just wait a minute.... a single minute.... because.... eye can go from rain king.... to monster.... back to rain king.... with just a look....
now you know.... now you know why she tells me.... go away.... come back.... go away.... come back.... because the truth hurts.... because.... me.... pointing out your flaws.... hurts.... because.... being around a little boy all the time.... can be exhausting.... eye can bring out that nurturing father.... if you need him.... eye can bring him out.... but.... usually.... that pesky little boy returns.... time and time again.... eye even drove my boys crazy when they were younger.... wanting to listen to the same song over and over and over and over.... i and love and you.... eye beat that song to death when we were in a tiny tinie cabin on a cruise ship.... is that how you spell cruise.... and.... eye beat to death a dub step song.... sorry.... eye cannot find it right now.... maybe.... one day.... eye will find it again.... and come back and provide a link.... but.... eye beat this dub step song to death.... on a road trip home from moab.... until my son cut me off.... he was driving.... he had control of the radio.... and he cut me off.... eye begged him.... one more time.... just one more time.... but he cut me off.... yep.... that is right.... my SON cut me off.... that is the way it worked in our family.... my boys have never respected me.... because.... eye never demanded it.... eye am looking.... for a different kind of respect.... and.... one day.... eye hope to have it.... not a respect that is taken.... but.... a respect that is given.... one day.... maybe.... the kind of respect.... one hopes for.... eye have been waiting.... thirty-one years for it.... eye am a patient boy.... eye will wait thirty-one more if eye have to....
there is another side of me.... a side that eye cannot show you.... because of this wicked wicked game.... eye have to keep this side in check.... or.... in this world.... eye will be arrested.... eye have a feeling.... in my world.... it is the side.... that makes people feel good about themselves.... it is the side that helps people become upright and strong.... it is the side of my that eye cannot show right now.... it is the side of me.... that wants to ask a young lady.... to just drive.... and drive.... and go where the road takes us.... it is the side of me.... that wants to stare.... again.... at a beautiful face.... it is the part of me.... that wants the day of rest.... wants to sit back.... and enjoy my creation.... 😊
god damn.... eye just gotta say it.... eye love a woman without makeup.... no need to put makeup on for me.... eye never asked a woman to put makeup on.... who are you doing it for.... who are you doing all that work for.... eye like you better.... without it.... except.... on special occassions.... for a performance.... in real life.... none.... on the stage.... it is awesome.... on the stage.... it is beautiful.... but in real life.... who asked you to do it.... eye certainly did not.... if you are sitting at home.... bitching.... as you are putting on makeup for hours in the morning.... do not bitch at me.... eye never asked you to do it.... if you are saying.... look at all the work eye have to go through for men.... do not include me in that category.... eye will take the blame for a lot of things.... but eye will not take the blame for that....
one day.... eye will have to tell you the story of what happened in the mental hospital.... perhaps.... you should look for a chapter called makeup.... at some point....
you know.... one time.... eye told a young lady.... that she was b-b-b-b-beautiful.... yep.... eye stuttered.... and.... she told everyone eye was an asshole.... and.... eye told her eye wanted to take her to dinner and stare at her beautiful face all night long.... creepy right.... well.... she got back at me.... eye do not know why she needed to get back at me.... eye thought eye was being nice.... but.... she made fun of me.... every time eye came in.... and.... eye got thrown in the mental hospital for another reason.... when eye came out.... eye went to the restaurant where she worked.... and.... she looked and saw something in that hologram above my head.... something that really really excited her.... she started running around.... saying things to all her coworkers.... so so so excited.... eye think that it was because eye had defeated her captor.... when eye was in the mental hospital.... eye had broken her chains.... she was free.... but.... you know what.... it did not feel so good for me.... it did NOT feel so good to break her chains.... because.... right then.... she really dug into me.... she hit me hard.... she said.... eye cannot believe someone your age would ask someone my age out.... eye never went back to that restaurant again.... another place that a woman had kicked me out of.... she did not have me kicked out.... but she shamed me.... eye could not show my face there ever again.... 🙁